John Green’s unfinished novel The Sequel
Abstraction, n; And then there are those nights when I sleep alone, when I sleep I curl into a pillow that isn’t you. When I hear those tiptoe sounds that aren’t yours. Its not as if I can conjure you there completely, I must only embrace the idea of you instead. I’m forced to sink into myself.
Abyss, n. I regret everything you’ve taken from me, everything I’ve given you, and stare at myself in the mirror at the waste of space and time I gave you, that I will never, ever, get back.
Bilingual, adj. Yes we both spoke the same languages. But it was like you never really understood what I was saying. So I tried being subtle. I tried seeing you less, but you kept wanting more. You were never satisfied with what I was willing to give. So you tried digging deeper into my words, and you found you didn’t like the translation. So you left.
Bystander, n; it’s funny how I can walk into a bar and be perfectly content with pushing money into the jukebox, not noticing anyone around me. Not picking up on the eyes of the women with daggered eyes whose boyfriends keep offering up a little more with their smiles. But I notice you, you’re standing there in front of the bar staring at the Yankees game, it’s October. Legends are made in October. Playoffs mean life or death and you turn to catch my eye, no longer focused on the game, forcing me to realize that I’m staring.
Captivating, adj.: The way you nervously run your fingers through your hair, absentmindedly making me want you.
Charm, n; It’s disgusting how many drinks I can flirt myself into. And it’s amazing how I don’t stop myself because I’m actually starving for your attention, so I drown myself instead. Maybe one of these men has the life raft to pull me up onto; you’re always too busy working to notice my smile isn’t genuine. So I head to the bar.
Chevrolet, n. Its more than just a truck, it’s like hallowed ground. It has my footprints all over it. It has your personality wrapped up in it to a T. So I got a little closer, turned up the radio, put my toes on the dash, and leaned the seat back. Watching you I felt embarrassed when you caught me staring, my face turned as red as your truck, I right then I really knew I loved you.
Common- ground, n. Deficit of the ground. We had sports. Another we had comics and video games. Another we had theatre and musicals. Another we had country. Nothing was ever more “uncommon”. None of those things were ever truly me; they were just tiny parts that I added to me.
Considerate adj. This is the first thing you should consider when you’re considering who you should be with. I didn’t stop and think that maybe you weren’t as considerate as your words when you were trying to convince me that you wanted to be with me.
Coward, adj. You used words to tear me apart, but you would never think to say any of those things to me in person. I wonder how long it took for you to realize that you couldn’t hide behind your phone or your computer anymore. How long did it take for you to realize that you destroyed me, but I tried acting like everything was ok; to make you feel better.
Cute, adj. If this is what you really wanted from me you should have bought yourself a doll. I’m not something that you get to show off to your friends, When You say “isn’t she cute?” it would be nice to know you really meant it, and weren’t just talking down to me.
Decisions, n. I have a friend who always tells me I make terrible ones. I know he’s right. But I can’t seem to find myself doing anything about it. Thanks Paul.
Demeanor, n. The thing you lack when you demean me, or anyone else.
Diagnose, v. My friends listened carefully to my tone and disregarded the smile on my face. They knew better than to take me at face value. My eyes didn’t light up when I said I was happy that we went on a date. They knew it was something I was going to regret.
Diamond, n. Your eyes, they sparkle and shine, but I swear those fireflies are a lot more dangerous than you think.
Eager, adj. You didn’t wait to ask me to remove my clothes; you started doing that all on your own. I was shocked because I wanted to too, but I knew It would be the biggest mistake of my life, I didn’t trust you with it. But I wasn’t strong enough to stop you. I couldn’t deny the look on your face.
Elegance, n. A 1997 Camaro that sounds like it’s dying at the red lights, yet you insist that even though it is clearly a Camaro, it says Camaro; you need to drive it like a Camaro. And you hate that I don’t think of it as the nicest car I’ve ever driven in. But I promise you it’s not so much the car that I hate, so much as it is how I can tell you treat the car better than you treat me.
Ethereal, adj. You leaned your head into mine, and I leaned my head into yours. Revolving slowly, eyes closed, heartbeat measure, nature’s hum. It lasted the length of an old song, and then we stopped, kissed, and my heart stayed there, just like that.
Exacerbate, v. I believe my exact words to you were: “You’re getting too emotional”. Because you were.
Faded, adj. I still taste the shots on your lips that night. The next morning you sent me a text saying I was absolutely perfect. The day after that you decided it was just the alcohol talking.
Flux, n. Our love changes. Our feelings for each other change. Our paths change. I change the song. The weather changes.
Humorous, adj: We were together for a year. Most people would think that it was out of mere comfort, but we knew better. It was because we both invested too much time to call it a failure. We laughed off the idea that either one of us could really fail at anything.
Igloo, n; I can’t shake the feeling that reason you’re not texting me back is because you’re with someone else who makes you feel like you’re walking among the clouds, warmed by the sunlight, why would you ever want to come back home?
Innate, adj. words seem to flow naturally from your mouth and I am wondering how much it will take for you to realize how much of what you’re saying goes in one of my ears and out of the other. You live in your glory days, and you make them fit in so nicely into the present making it seem like that all you were, is still all you are now.
Jack-o-lantern, n: You couldn’t stop smiling it was like I carved it into your face the first time I said I love you back. It was a scary smile…you had a sense of malice behind it, like you finally got me, casting a shadow that you wouldn’t let me go.
Justice, n. The day I told you about all of my failed relationships, your eyes started to water. You seemed to drown in the sorrow that was missing in my voice as I told the stories with a smile. You couldn’t quite figure out why I was laughing when I was explaining it, and then I answered your silent question, “Because I know losing me destroyed each one of them far more than any of them could’ve damaged me.” Besides twitter really needed to know that he was unable to satisfy me, his friends still won’t let that one go? You can’t help but admire my capacity for creative vengeance. And at the same time, I can tell you are afraid of it.
Livid, adj. Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping you an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.
Love, n.; I’m not even going to try.
Lover, n.; I hate this word. When I say “Be my Love” I do not ever mean “Let’s have an affair”. I don’t mean “sleep with me” or “be my secret”. I want you to be the one that loves me; I want to be the one that loves you.
Misgivings, n. last night after months of silence, you got up the courage to ask me if I regretted us, you should’ve never texted me. “There are things I miss,” I said. “But if I didn’t have you, I’d miss more.” I probably shouldn’t have answered you but there’s parts of me that will never really let all of it go. Funny how that sounds, like it was ever something I wanted to hold on to anyway.
Nervous, adj. After we broke up I was so lost, that I thought if I saw you I would become completely undone. I couldn’t stop shaking the first time I saw you after, and I was right. I crumbled into tiny little pieces.
Opposite, adj. I swear if we weren’t so different we would have never had anything to talk about. You lived in your world, I lived in mine. Those worlds never converged.
Placid, adj. Sometimes I want to just lay in the quiet, entwined, and warm. To gaze up at the stars outside or the ceiling in our bed. But I know it will never be that easy.
Stanchion, n. I don’t want to be the strong one, I can’t keep being the one who lets you walk all over me yet I hold a smile. But I don’t want to be the weak one, either, yet I still roll out the mat and your footprints leave invisible tattoos. I’m still strong for the wrong reasons. But I think weaker than anything. Why does it feel like it’s always one or the other? When we embrace, one of us is always holding the other a little tighter.
Tequila, n. You and a shot of this make me crazy.
Traverse, v. You started to cry, and I quickly said, “No — I mean this part is over. We have to get to the next part.” And you said, “I’m not sure we can.” Without even having to think about it, I replied, “Of course we can.” “How can you be so sure?” you asked, And I said, “I’m sure. Isn’t that enough?”
Viable, adj. I’ll go for a drink with friends after work, after class, and even though I have you, I still want to be desirable. I’ll fix my hair as if it’s a date. I’ll check out the room along with everyone else. If someone comes to flirt with me, I will flirt back, but only up to a point. You have nothing to worry about - it never gets further than the question about where I live. And in Buffalo, that’s usually the second or third question. But for that first question, where it still seems like it might be possible, I look for that confirmation that if I didn’t have you, I’d still be a person someone would want.
Woo, v. I told you that I was tired of sitting in your bedroom doing nothing. So you said you would fix it. You took me to olive garden and then less than an hour later and a cheap dinner later we were back in your room. Your definition was incredibly obscured.
X, n. Doesn’t it strike you as strange that we have a letter in the alphabet that nobody uses? There are only 132 words that begin with x in the dictionary. Yet there are 58 synonyms for the word love. I guess some things are more important than others.
Yearning, n. and adj. Right in the middle of everything lays the belief that everything will be flawless.
Zero, n. You have no idea how much patience I needed to have in order to tolerate your bullshit. I don’t have the patience to deal with anyone’s bullshit in the future. They can all thank you for that.